Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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