I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
