do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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