I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
