i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
