it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
