Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
