If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
