Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
