when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize