He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
