i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
