A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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