I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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