I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
