so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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