I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
