i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
