I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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