i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
