We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
