So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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