Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
