saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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