Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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