I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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