I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
