Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I could fuck to npr.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
