You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize