dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
