She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
