Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
