I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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