you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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