I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
