Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
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