im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
