Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
