Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
