Moan for me like Helen Keller
the day after is always just damage control
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
