I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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