"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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