end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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