Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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