she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
