too bad you live with your parents still
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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