I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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