I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
