thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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