i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize