i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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