So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
