Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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