Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
