I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
