Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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