Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize