The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
