Me. At least after what I've been through.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
