Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
