My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
