He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
