Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize