last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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