It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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