Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
