I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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