Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My dick has a subreddit
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
