New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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