I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
