A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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