Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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