I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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