I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
